Tap-tap-tap, is this thing still on?
I had a revelation this month, and it reminded me of the first book I wrote under this pen name. I wrote Nameless Darkness, and in it, Bette really was just facing her own demons. And for the last year on my sabbatical, I realized a few things. I realized that I’d been writing out my core wounds in my characters.
See, a little while ago my therapist asked me, “When you finish these books, what parts are left?”
And every now and again, that question haunts me.
Not because it didn’t resonate, but because it did. Hard.
I just couldn’t figure out why. And isn’t that the fucking paradox. Why? Why did it bother me? Well, I figured it out. All these characters have a core wound. And somehow along the way I lost sight of that. And I’m not here crawling back, licking my wounds, begging you to read my books.
No. I’m far too me for that.
I want to prove it to you. In only the way I can.
Through my words, as actions.
I have been working my ass off, reading no more than two chapters a day of Ashes to Ashes. And — not to send you on a mental side quest — I’m in the middle of a content course and it’s honestly helped me brand and niche down. I’m incorporating that more and more into the book, reworking things through the lens of a core wound. Shedding skin. Just… reworking my own words into harder-hitting prose. I don’t know. Maybe you’ll hate it.
Dust to Dust has a loose plot already. And… I’m giving all you babies what you’ve been begging for. A glimpse into the cousins. Because Ash has been gone a long time. Hell, book one came out a year ago, and who knows how time passes in Faerie. In the Unseelie Court.
After that… after that comes the rebrand. Maybe I’ll talk about life. Maybe I won’t. But for the most part? I’m trying, babies. I’m trying every goddamn day.
Some days really fucking suck. And I’m at a stage where I look at my meds and think, I could live without you. Realistically, I know that’s when I should buckle down. We’ll see.
I’ve set goals for myself. I really wanted the thriller to work.
It didn’t.
See, I’m data driven. So data driven. And hindsight and all that.
But I was never worried about writing the “next bestseller,” and maybe that’s on me. Fuck, even talking about this sucks balls, but I’m going back to these blog posts because I think the world needs a little honesty. I didn’t want the next bestseller. I was more concerned with working through my trauma. Which I haven’t. Not completely. Not as new trauma unfolds. But I want more than ever to just get back to it — me and the laptop. I need to be realistic though.
I have many failed pen names. Some mid, some not. I’m not ashamed of them. But I am annoyed I didn’t stick to a lane when the universe gave it to me. I got lost in the noise. And I know we’ve chatted about that, so I’m not here to hash it back out.
But also… I had to do that. See, some authors just know what their lane is, but I wanted to drive cross country. I had to know what was out there.
And then, in the middle of it all? Separation.
Well… I, ah… Girl, I think I tumbled off a goddamn mountain, somehow survived, and had to climb my way back to solid ground. And I still gained 15 pounds in the mix. Then I got run over by a Mack truck.
Anyway.
I think I know my lane now, and ahhh. I’m ready to show up. But it’s on my terms.
Why Choose. Not just reverse harem.
Adult. Older. More mainstream voice with a gothic twist.
Less plot, more romance.
Duets only.
4 releases a year. Consistent. Annual. Release dates do not deviate.
Yeah, so that’s where I’m at. Also, I’m done with romantasy. Sorry, but Ashes is one and done.
Whew. Okay.
Love you all.
