Hello my lovies.
So this is the first real blog post in a long damn time. I have a lot I want to cover, and I’m also going to do a second post all about AI. I know. I’m finally breaking my silence on it, but for this post in particular, I want to talk about what happened. Where I went and why I came back. And it’s probably not what you think.
There are a few reasons I stepped away and was ready to throw in the towel on a career I’d only just begun.
Publishing is hard.
I just want to start there. It’s so goddamn hard. And it has nothing to do with the books. Writing is the easy part, I’ve said this a thousand times. But marketing? Editing? Networking?
It’s brutal.
I’ve done the Clifton Strengths. But I never really had enough drive to look further into it. I suppose in a way I didn’t really care. So many people swear by it, and it isn’t that I disagree with them, I literally just didn’t have the time to dig in deep enough. That’s it. Nothing more.
Listen, in college I wrote a paper on why the Myers-Briggs was flawed. My result? INTJ. I did in fact prove my INTJness by writing the essay in the first place, but I digress.
I’m a sensitive girlie. And I just felt like I didn’t belong in the indie world.
That’s mostly it. Oh, okay fine, the big one.
<Removed, If you want personal details on elle’s life join her FB Group. >
On a more serious note though.
I wrote last year. I didn’t really know what I was going to do with it, but I wrote. I sat down and just… unleashed fury. But it was heartbreaking.
I felt lost. More so than usual. I felt like I was deceiving all of you. Deceiving myself, really.
What changed? Honestly? You may not like the answer.
Money.
I know. But Elle, you should love what you write!
I know. I need to. So what does that mean? I’m coming back, yes. But on my own terms. And with a rebrand after Dust to Dust releases.
I’m working so goddamn hard behind the scenes. Every week I’m working through metadata, studying, researching, niching down until I’ve discovered something I can consistently write without burning out.
I’m going to keep it in my back pocket for right now. But you’ll know when you know. I promise. It’s more of a I want to provide you with my new book babies instead of just yapping about it.
I also came back for the readers. I felt like a lot of Elle’s issues had more to do with authors, and I forgot, I don’t write for authors.
I write for readers.
It just so happens that some readers are also authors.
Which is why I won’t be networking.
Listen. I’m not a networking girlie anyway. I’m an introvert and people terrify me. Not only that, but aside from BookFunnel, reaching out to people is horrifying anyway.
I did some networking in the past but I always felt it was superficial and just… performative.
Besides, I just said I’ve come back for the readers, and I need to remember that. Remind me a few times, I’ll figure it out.
Also, because Ash’s ending finally came to me. See, some authors, when they write (like me), can immerse themselves in the world. It’s like this trance state. The world fades away and I’m somehow there, in the scene with her.
It’s been thrilling having it back. I missed having whatever the fuck this gift is, and I hope to never lose it again. It’s this piece of me I felt lost without. And honestly, when I saw the opening of Dust to Dust I nearly cried with relief. It was like for the last year I’d been disconnected from that creative part of me, and oh, how I fucking missed her.
I live for those moments now. Not just coffee. Oh, and Pilates. I’ve become one of those women.
I don’t think you understand just how much Pilates has been healing me. It’s been healing the trauma bond I’ve held with my body for decades. I’m two months in and it’s just wonderful. I live for it. I even go out of the house and into a studio. I haven’t lost the weight I’ve gained (yet) but I will.
My therapist will love to dissect that statement at some point.
I even got a brand new editor. I’m so excited!
And the only thing I’m going to say is if someone is willing to call you and bitch to you about another individual, they’ll do the same fucking thing to you…
Anyway. That’s enough for now. I’m going to go work on the essay I have planned on AI.
Not sure how you’ll all feel about that, but I’ll put a TL;DR at the top.
— Elle
ps. The suicide hotline exists you should fucking use it. 988. Or text. But I set up a line. I’m not asking you to spam me. But I know what it’s like to sit alone and cry and wonder when the pain you’re feeling will every fucking end. I’m just saying, I set it up and you can text me. I’m not lying. Try it out.
(717) 326-0879
This is not a personal number. It’s my own damn publishing co! Venus Books, LLC that is what will beon the id.
