Hello my readers, fellow authors, and that random who stumbled across my website at 2am high as a kite and looking for the answer of the universe.
Pretty sure the answer to that is 42.
It’s been a couple months. Lets break it down and get real because lets just say the ass end of lock down here kicked my ass.
I haven’t hidden the reason I began writing. It was how I managed my anxiety and depression. Not only do I have GAD, social anxiety, panic disorder, and ADHD but these combined can make me depressed because… that’s a lot of mental bullshit to deal with. I have some incredible people in my life to remind me that say, “Hey, bitch we love you and want you to stick around.” And for that, let me shout out to my home bound homies Jamie, Sammy, Steph, and Argos. I love you fuckers and thank Artemis that you exist. To my writing girls… De, Kate, Jess, and Kathryn. Even MaryAnn for not just being my beta but knowing my characters better than I do. Thanks for helping the plot along, listening to my rambles, and existing as my therapists. You didn’t sign up for the role but you showed the fuck up.
Oh and Kate… I still won’t listen to that drunken voice memo I sent.
I digress. I had surgery in September and spiraled. My anxiety dipped into what I like to call a level of psychosis the god Chaos wouldn’t be able to help me out of. I had a damn hard time writing. I’m still not at 100% but I’m digging. Honestly the cloud began to lift when I began CBD/THC but that’s a story for another day.
Friends. Family. Lovers. If your mind begins to fight you, seek help. Mental health is so important and if you can’t find help right away there are numbers to help in a pinch. But know there are people who love you and aren’t going to care if you need to call them at 2 in the morning.
But hey, I’m writing. I’m working through my demons and giving them names in my books. Though you will find a theme in many of my books.
Most times my antagonists are the self because myself was always the worst demon I had to face. But I face her in the mirror daily and tell her that she’s fucking worth it and that this moment, this feeling will pass. It also means I have a soft spot for the villains. I want them all to find redemption.
I also adjusted my insta posts to include a monthly motivation. Because I know I am NOT the only one in the world feeling like this. Afraid of her own shadow. Uncomfortable in her own skin. I want you all to know that you are appreciated, loved, and worth all those dreams that you imagine during the day and in your dreams at night.
Even the nightmares, because they mean something. Nothing exists in the dark that doesn’t exist in the light.
Know I love you, and thank you for reading all about my demons, dreams, and highs.
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